A Victim No More… March 18, 2011
Posted by oxymoroness in My Own Craziness.add a comment
Well dear readers, it has been sometime and for that I apologize. (I warned you that I’m lousy at updating!) Perhaps the main reason is that not much has changed. We’re still working on the house, MIL is still not thrilled at being at the Assisted Living place, and her new home is still doing a world of good. But it’s not her “crazy” today that I’m posting of.
It’s my own.
I was privileged to take part in an event about bullying, how to deal with it and how to prevent it. The keynote herself was a victim of severe bullying in the 70′s and 80′s. I found it interesting that her story was a great deal like my own. Physical, mental and emotional abuses endured through years of schooling with virtually no help of relief in sight. Even the well-meaning adults just didn’t “get it” and while their efforts were appreciated, they had very little impact on the daily struggle.
But what I found even more interesting were the differences. The speaker continues to refer to herself (even in casual conversation) as “a bullied kid.” She is these days, neither a kid, nor bullied. Yet, that self-descriptor remains.
I don’t think as much about what I went through these days, except on occasions like this when the memories are dredged up. I’ve been at peace with my past for sometime, and while occasionally my scars cause me some inconvenience the target that was once painted on my back has long since faded and I’m not prevented from carrying on with my life, and even being happy. It’s been a long time since I’ve refused to be a victim anymore.
And that seems to be the biggest difference. I’m not a victim. I was a victim. But my victim status has long since expired. In fact, the decision to not be a victim is essentially how I managed to end the worst of the bullying. Bullies don’t like bothering people who aren’t either afraid or impressed by them. As soon as you stop caring too much about what other people think about you, the other people in your life cease to have the power to control how you feel about yourself.
On the other hand the keynote has made a career out of her victim-hood (and to give her credit, it’s doing a lot of good), and as she continues to work through her trauma, she’s using it as a means to bring comfort and coping to the millions of kids out there who are going through the hell that is the realm of the bully.
It’s hard to say who is healthier. But I sincerely hope that someday the keynote’s next book is about closure because I’d really like to see her be at peace with her life and get a taste of what it’s like to not be a victim.
